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Happy Tenth AnniversaryCity thanks Planarian Man for years of service
AUBURN, NE -- It seems like only yesterday that the funny-headed man with blue skin and spandex burst onto the scene. "I always thought it was a mask," said Matt Snyder of Auburn, referring to Planarian Man's pointy blue head. Snyder thought it was a mask, that is, until he saw Planarian Man's powers in action. "I saw his arm get caught in the automatic door at (what was then called) J&D's Corner Market - and then it ripped right off," Snyder continued. What happened then can only be described in nine words: Planarian Man's severed arm regenerated into a new person. That was the birth of The Bavarian Planarian, the baker / crimefighter who nows runs a pastry shop in downtown Auburn, a shop that Snyder now frequents daily. "I feel like I've known him since birth," Snyder said. Building a cast of enemiesNot all accidental dissections have been so fortunate, Planarian Man recalls. "There was that one time I rolled out of bed in my sleep and fell onto the brand new knife set I'd gotten for my birthday," he said, rocking back in his chair with a smile, or at least as much of a smile someone without a mouth can give. The new planarian clone that grew out of that mishap turned out to be none other than The Ninja Planarian. "It's not been all bad," Planarian Man said, "because he turned out to have a very nice brother," referring of course to The Ninja Planarian's Nice Brother. "I kind of miss the good old days of losing my arm in battle and having to worry about if it would grow into a hero or a villain." Legendary BattlesNaturally, with so much fighting under his big yellow belt, it's hard for Planarian Man to pick a favorite battle. "Well, in terms of sheer scope and excitement, that battle with Blueface the Pirate Planarian was pretty intense," he reluctantly said. "...though it wasn't one of my finer moments." Planarian Man is referring, of course, to the incident in which he was forced to walk the plank. He was dropped into the ocean below, which burnt off his extremities and forced him to wear a metal exosuit for several years. "When it comes down to it, though, you just can't beat The Mad Dr. Planarian," he said, but then added with a laugh, "Well, you can't, but I can." The Mad DoctorThe first supervillain to be born of Planarian Man's regenerative powers, the Mad Dr. Planarian burst onto the scene in the early-mid '90s with the now-classic Geezers scheme. Using a device he purchased from the Planarian Commando, The Mad Dr. Planarian intended to combine soldiers with military weapons to create an army of unstoppable cyborgs. A slight targeting error resulted in a team of geriatric nursing home dwellers who were merged with their beds, wheelchairs, walkers and other random equipment that had been in the vicinity. Of course, any follower of The Planarian Patrol's history would know that one of the Geezers later became Grandaddy Longlegs, who would go on to train The Human Planarian before his death in 1996. Local supportAuburn Mayor Bob Engles, though new to the job, is no stranger to the help Planarian Man has given his fair city. "Without him, who knows how many times we would have been overrun by evil worm people, space robots or renegade pirates?" Engles asked rhetorically. Plans to honor Planarian Man's tenth anniversary as a crime fighting hero will begin this weekend with a cookout at the Legion Park Saturday at noon followed by a performance from legendary local band Residential Goosing at 2pm. Visitors wishing to participate or find out more about the festivities, are encouraged to e-mail . Copyright 2003 PlanarianMan.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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I kind of miss the good old days of losing my arm in battle and having to worry about if it would grow into a hero or a villain.
